I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Welp...herpes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
