Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
