The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
