The maid of honor just puked.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
