Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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