drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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