I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
