You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
