I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
