My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
