I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
