No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
