Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
