There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
