Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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