Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
