one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
