Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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