her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
