My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
