So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
