i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
