I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
