her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
