Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Houston, we have a blender
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
