You're completely useless in the revolution.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
