After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm eating all of the evidence.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
