This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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