If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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