So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish you could order shots online.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
