This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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