Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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