Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
