I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
