i jhust puked up my retainher.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
