Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
