garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
