3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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