Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
