woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
