I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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