she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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