She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
