This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
