im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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