so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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