so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
