Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
