I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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