Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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