I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
