i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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