It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
