Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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