That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
