Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
