remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
